Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
