dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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