if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
