I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
