He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
