I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
