He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
