You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
