Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
