he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
