I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
