He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
