I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
