She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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