I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
