Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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