I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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