You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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