There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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