I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
