Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
