She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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