im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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