WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
