He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
