I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
