Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
