Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
