i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nutella sex= disaster
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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