he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
