Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
