I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
