Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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