I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
