anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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