i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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