He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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