you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
