Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
