WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
