I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
