You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
