you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
