I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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