dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
