Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
