just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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