Say something about gay babies.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did I show you my penis last night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
