so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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