You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
