Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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