hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
